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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?